working towards an intellectual understanding of booty chatter.

lunes, diciembre 29, 2008

muffy: gone hate.

dl: MUFFY - Gone Hate (alt)
Two things I try to never do--post videos and be "that guy" who posts conversations with his co-blogger. Whatever, this sums up the entire song. I love Muffy so hard.

JJ: Muffy's "Gone Hate". Discuss.
C: Muffy and Riskay need to do a track...
JJ: Hahaha, I NEED to be posting Muffy right now. It's what I live for.
CC: ...and they should be roommates, live in a blinged out doublewide.
JJ: Haha
C: I like the beat though.
JJ: I KNOW. I mean, it's Bangladesh.
C: ...and as someone who likes vagina, can i say that video is chock full of very unattractive women.
JJ: Haha, remember when Khia first came out with "My Neck, My Back"?
C: Yeah
JJ: It was so funny...
C: I like the shot of Bangladesh in the john with his mixer...
JJ: ...I don't think there were many chicks in that video...
C: I bet he totally wrote this beat while taking a shit.
JJ: ...but NONE OF THE GUYS were touching her in that video.
C: Hahaha, Khia was probably being a diva..."these n***as is gross." And they were secretly "Thank god."
JJ: Saving herself for Weezy
C: I like how he's drinking out of a glass from Target. I totally have those glasses.
JJ: Hah, ballerrrr.
C: Seriously. They're the discount glasses from Target, like the low end glass ones. Ten bucks for four.
JJ: Didn't he get a check for "A Milli"? Seriously. Guess he's just thrifty.
C: Hey, we're in a recession. Even ballas gotta cut back.

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ben one: never leave my girl remix.

dl: BEN ONE f/ TWISTA & SLY POLAROID - Never Leave My Girl (remix) (alt)
Remember when I wrote about Ben One's "Never Leave My Girl"? Can someone explain to me why it isn't fucking huge yet? I can only hope that this remix will take Ben one step closer to national domination, but I suppose I'm being far too optimistic. The remix is a complete revamp of the original, not just a new beat. It's "aight".

Just as I was wondering who the hell this Sly Polaroid character is, a vintage Kanye West track featuring him popped up on Nah Right. M
ust be a Chi-town thing.

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sábado, diciembre 27, 2008

general elektriks + pigeon john: crush.

I walked into "Crush" having no idea what to expect, and my mind was blown as I encountered a sample of "When Doves Cry". Purple Rain ranks in my unofficial top ten albums of all time, to the degree that it may even be number one. This should have been so wrong. BEYOND WRONG.

Funny thing. I wanted to believe that the first time I listened to the song--I shouldn't like this, so I won't. But the pure "WTF" factor kept drawing me back in, and by the fourth time I was pumping my fist along and all skepticism was diminished.

Pigeon John embodies a less annoying version of His charm rests in his self-awareness of his loser-like tendencies, while thinks he's the shit when he's quite the opposite. Like, he's so the opposite of the shit that he's constipation.

But I digress. Pigeon John's chorus of "I got no game, no game, no game at all" seems like an anthem for scrubs and chumps, but anyone who's ever had a crush can relate. You're at a party and the cutest motherfucker walks past you. They go chill with some friends, and you're sitting there sipping your drink, peeking back over and waiting for your moment to introduce yourself. You start thinking of crazy schemes to get your future boo's attention, but by the time you've worked out your diabolical plan... they're walking away hand-in-hand with someone else! No one else at the party is really doing it for you, so you start thinking you might as well, er, do it to yourself. Masturbate, I'm talking about masturbation. But no matter how much you wank it out, you'll never be able to wank out those thoughts of your crush. Pathetic, but c'est la vie. Pigeon John knows your pain. But only Pigeon John.


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viernes, diciembre 26, 2008

winter of our discontent: the itms!! winter mixtape.

Am I the only nerd who gets really annoyed when people misuse the phrase "winter of our discontent"? It doesn't mean that things are fucking sad, assholes. Winter = END, therefore the phrase means "now is the end of our unhappiness". All the bullshit was made into a glorious summer, and everything got totally awesome. What don't you get about that? While we're at it, "wherefore art thou" means "why are you", as in "Romeo, oh Romeo, why the fuck do you gots to be Romeo? Shit would be mad easier if you wasn't." Now that I've gotten my Shakespeare lesson out of my system, let's continue...

EDIT: Apparently my high school English teacher was a dirty liar. Susan "You Can't B. Serious" Anthony of Surfing the Third Wave has chimed in with her scholarly take on the phrase:

"Actually, 'winter of our discontent' is a negative. The original Shakespeare goes, 'Now is the winter of our discontent/Made glorious summer by this son of York."'As in, 'We Yorks were so discontent during Henry VI's reign that it was like winter, but now it's summer because my brother's on the throne.' So, it is usually misread, since people cut off the second part of the line, but while the line is positive, 'winter' is still negative, a period of discontent."

Sort of negates the theme a bit, but it doesn't change the fact that the music is fucking fantastic.

One of my favorite songs of 2008 was Passion Pit's "Better Things", eventually released on the Chunk of Change EP. It goes a little something like this--"Baby don't be unhappy, Baby don't be sad. Better things are coming, I swear there's truth in that." Those lyrics came to me when I really needed to hear them, and I feel like that sentiment (more than ever) needs to echo throughout the world. Though the song doesn't appear below, it provided inspiration for my choices. For those who are wary of being overly optimistic, keep in mind that most of the songs are for the purpose of catharsis.

Without further ado (about nothing), I present to you the ITMS!! winter mixtape. Did somebody say mixtape? Yes. Each side lasts for under 30 minutes and could literally be recorded onto a C60 cassette tape. This was really important to me for some reason, even though I have no intent to bring cassettes back.

1. Y LA BAMBA - Alida St. (alt): I am totally gay for Luz Elena Mendoza's voice and her band Y La Bamba. If I got stranded in winter for my entire life and could only bring one album, there's no doubt that it'd be Alida St. And if I lived in Portland, there's no doubt that I'd be at every Y La Bamba show. (BUY IT - SPACE IT)

2. GHOST BEES - Vampires of the West Coast (alt): If whoever banished me to live in winter forever was nice enough to let me bring two albums, I would also bring Ghost Bees' Tasseomancy. Twin sisters Sari and Romy Lightman have vocals that just melt together and simultaneously melt my heart with the sorrowful tales they weave. (BUY IT - SITE IT - SPACE IT - HYPE IT - WIK IT)

3. LOCAL NATIVES - Airplanes (alt): Considering that the lead singer annunciates every single other word in this song, it frustrates me that I can't tell whether the chorus states "I want you back" or "I want you bad". In fact, it might be both. I choose to revel in the ambiguity--the singer was feeling such strong emotions that he couldn't even finish his words. (SITE IT - SPACE IT - FACE IT - HYPE IT)

4. WOULD-BE-GOODS - Vivre Sa Vie (alt): I don't know French, but I bet this song is very deep and interesting. (BUY IT - SITE IT - HYPE IT - WIK IT)

5. MARCHING BAND - Make No Plans (alt): I first fell in love with Marching Band from an early version of "Travel In Time". To my surprise, their album Spark Large isn't very wintry at all, but this song makes the cut. I'm not sure why the mp3 cuts out at the end, but let's just pretend it's quirky and cute, eh? (BUY IT - SITE IT - SPACE IT - HYPE IT - WIK IT)

6. DARK DARK DARK - Trouble No More (alt): I feel so lame saying that this is one of the "darker" moments of the mixtape, but it actually is. (BUY IT - SITE IT - SPACE IT - HYPE IT)

7. AVIARY GHOST - Somewhere Else (alt): This is proof that things are going to get better. After receiving a promo e-mail, I got sad that I couldn't afford to buy Aviary Ghost's Memory is a Hallway. In writing this post, I discovered that the album is free if you sign up for their e-mail list. Best late Christmas present ever! (BUY IT - SITE IT - SPACE IT - FACE IT - HYPE IT)

1. THE NEW UP - Just Because (alt): ES Pitcher's voice is reminiscent of the great female pop-rock vocalists of the '90s--Shirley Manson, Courtney Love, Gwen Stefani, and a part of me likes to think that she'd spit on me for saying that. Can't get enough. (BUY IT - SITE IT - SPACE IT - HYPE IT)

2. THE LUCKSMITHS - A Sobering Thought (Just When One Was Needed) (alt): Though this song has the word "sober" in the title, all I want to do is get drunk with a group of friends and sing along. This would require me having friends who actually knew the words, but I'd settle for everyone mumbling through as long as we all put our arms around one another and jumped around a bit. (BUY IT - SITE IT - SPACE IT - HYPE IT - WIK IT)

3. MONSTERS ARE WAITING - I Wanna Be Adored (alt): I don't know why, but this song gets a lot sexier with a female vocalist. Perhaps it's just the arrangement. Is it sacrilege to say I like this more than the original? Probably. (BUY IT - SITE IT - SPACE IT - HYPE IT - WIK IT)

4. THE BPA f/ EMMY THE GREAT - Seattle (alt): Holy shit. Best song ever. I've loved Emmy ever since "My Party Is Better Than Yours", and it's great to hear her conquer a poppier sound. (BUY IT - SITE IT - SPACE IT - HYPE IT - WIK IT)

5. ITS A BUFFALO - Marbles (alt): This is a song about losing your marbles (for when you want to indulge a little in your craziness). It makes me want to dance like a Muppet so hard. (BUY IT - SPACE IT)

6. THE CONTOURS - First I Look at the Purse (alt): The Contours may not be the most famous of Motown's all-male groups, but they had a huge hit with "Do You Love Me?" "Purse" was a modest hit, and is mostly known by the J. Geils Band's cover. Thanks to Funky16corners for this one! (BUY IT - HYPE IT - WIK IT)

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martes, diciembre 23, 2008

unicorn basement: necrophile.

dl: UNICORN BASEMENT - Necrophile (alt)
This is the third installment of WTF (Weird Tuesday Finds). If you missed the previous posts, let me bring you up to speed. This series of posts will chronicle the stranger songs that land in my lap. I'll take the good, I'll take the bad, but either way... I'll be sharing the weird with you. Bear with me, kids.

This is a song about a necrophiliac being seduced by his corpse. Apparently this is how Minnesota gets down.

After coming across the equally-awesome-named Kitten Forever, I desperately wanted to like Unicorn Basement. I can't help it! You can easily gain my attention by saying "dinosaur", "unicorn" and "kitten". Given this logic, you'd think I'd be equally drawn to a song called "Catch A Rainbow", right? Well, somehow I went for the song about a randy mortician, and while I could tell you that I merely like this song for the novelty of it, I actually think it's catchy as hell. Just don't let it put any ideas into your head...


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lunes, diciembre 22, 2008

fol chen: believers.

dl: FOL CHEN - The Believers (Clifford Lidell remix) (alt)
From the moment I first heard Fol Chen's "Cable TV", I thought I had died and gone to indie-pop heaven. So you can imagine my confusion when I received a link for the video of "The Believers". The song was much darker than what I would have expected. Especially from a band who made a song about dancing in underwear that references Janet Jackson's "When I Think Of You". The vid was extremely engaging on an aesthetic level, and the song wasn't bad... it just surprised me.

I enjoy the mystery of Fol Chen. I'm in love with a band, and I don't even know what any of them look like (I mean, if they're ugly, I totally can't like them, right?). Based on these dramatically different songs, I have no idea what their signature sound is or if they even have one. Will the album flow at all? Will I pass go and collect two-hundred dollars? I'm on the edge of my fucking seat here.

Also, why is "No Wedding Cake" so damn good even though it's so damn repetitive? I am going to lose some hairs waiting for this album to drop.

BONER TRACK: FOL CHEN - The Believers (alt)

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miércoles, diciembre 17, 2008

niamaj: yagotta.

dl: NIAMAJ - Yagotta (alt)
This week's edition of Hump-Hop Hooray is short but sweet. A man's got to sleep, ya heard?

Um, why haven't a lot of people paid more attention to the Plug Music Label? I'm pretty obsessed with Niamaj's 2005 song "Yagotta" with it's ol' skool didactic rhymes and jazzy Tribe Called Quest vibe. Based on Niamaj's space profile, it seems like he's no longer working with the label, but I'd honestly be satisfied if this was the only song he ever recorded. The majority of his new material is a little harder edged, not necessarily my cup of tea. With that said, it's nice to see him experimenting with different sounds. Do you, Niamaj! Get that check.

BONER TRACK: NIAMAJ - Yagotta (Raindrops Remix) (alt)

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lunes, diciembre 15, 2008

the smurfs: all i want for christmas is a smurf hat.

dl: THE SMURFS - All I Want For Christmas Is A Smurf Hat (alt)
This is the second installment of WTF (Weird Tuesday Finds). If you missed the first post, let me bring you up to speed. This series of posts will chronicle the stranger songs that land in my lap. I'll take the good, I'll take the bad, but either way... I'll be sharing the weird with you. Bear with me, kids.

All Mariah Carey wants for Christmas is you, but The Smurfs don't give a fuck about your damn ass. They just want a Smurf hat.

I was worried that I would have a WTF track to share with you this week, but then my friend randomly sent this track from The Smurfs' 1997 album Christmas Party. When I say "Smurfs", I mean the little blue dudes from the eighties with the white hats. I swore I had a Christmas album by them back in my days of youth, but I don't recall these creepy dual pitch-shifted vocals. Can we talk about the line, "And when he puts it on he feels so trendy, cause wearing one is really where it's at"?

Okay, now listen to this song again and imagine that "Smurf hat" is a euphemism for condom. It's like putting "in bed" at the end of fortune cookies. It's predictable and sometimes it doesn't make sense, but there's always a bit of a LOL factor, no? Love it.

BONER TRACK: THE SMURFS - Christmas With The Smurfs (alt)

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domingo, diciembre 14, 2008

shunda k: what is love + afterparties

I've seen Shunda K of Yo! Majesty perform at least three times within the past year, and she seems to improve and become more comfortable with the stage every time. It's not as if she wasn't an amazing performer from the beginning, though I noticed some new shine the last time I saw her at Santos Party House. It may have something to do with the fact that her fiancé was present in the venue, as this was the first time I could practically see the love in the room---the love for the music, for the fans, for life and the list goes on. And I don't know about you, but I want to see that love dispersed nationally, globally and universally. Martians get down!

Wanna help spread the love? Shunda's looking for venues that can hold 150-200 peeps to set up after-parties for every Yo! Majesty show. Whether you're a promoter, club-owner or just a regular Joe who happens to be in the know, send an e-mail to if you have any leads or could help at all. Dates and locations can be found on myspace but here's a short list of locations:
  • Australia: Phillip Island - Sydney - Melbourne
  • Belgium: Brussels
  • Denmark: Copenhagen
  • France: Paris - Robaix - Strasbourg - Nantes
  • Germany: Berlin
  • Netherlands: Amsterdam - Rotterdam
  • Norway: Oslo
  • Sweden: Malmo - Stockholm
  • Switzerland: St. Gallen - Zurich - Geneva - Berne
  • UK: Newcastle - Leeds - Sheffield - London - Bristol - Brighton - Wolverhampton - Liverpool - Manchester - Edinburgh - Glasgow - Nottingham - Dublin
  • USA: Austin, TX - Denton, TX - Houston, TX - New Orleans, LA - Miami, FL - Orlando, FL - Atlanta, GA - Raleigh, NC - Washington DC - Philadelphia, PA - New York, NY - Boston, MA - Pittsburgh, PA - Detroit, MI - Chicago, IL - Minneapolis, MN - Milwaukee, WI - Iowa City, IO - Denver, CO - Salt Lake City, UT - Seattle, WA - Portland, OR - San Francisco, CA - Los Angeles, CA - San Diego, CA

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viernes, diciembre 12, 2008

boner4mgmt: glitter penis photo surfaces.

dl: GLITTER PENIS - Angel Food (alt)
Andrew VanWyngarden may be the "cool" member of MGMT, but an ITMS!! reader just sent me this dorktastic photo of him performing with his high school buddy Dan Treharne as Glitter Penis. For more tracks by Glitter Penis, see the archives here or check out their site.

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mya: it's all about me.

Take It Back Thursday...uh, is a little late this week. I suppose since this is the first time I've done this, I could have just called it Take It Back Friday, but let's not get into that. In this series of posts, I will be covering songs of the past, which I will loosely define as anything from the 1930s to last year. Because sometimes it just gets damn boring writing about new shit. When possible, I will try to give updates on where the artist's career is now.

Mya's voice first reached our ears on the chorus of the 1998 single "Ghetto Supastar (That Is What You Are)", but her first proper release as a solo artist was the Sisqo-assisted bedroom jam "It's All About Me". I'll never forget the tone which she delivers the opening lines, "I cook your dinner, I wash your clothes. Baby hell no, that's not the way it goes. It's all about me tonight." When paired with the video's visuals of that red mini-skirt and Ms. Harrison's seductive dance moves, it was enough to make any 13 year-old boy's mind wander. I mean, she was basically making love to the air around her in a way that makes the phrase "making love" not sound revolting.

As far as vocals go, Mya's most memorable moments are her sexiest--"It's All About Me", "My Love Is Like...Wo!". Of the three singers featured on 2001's "Lady Marmalade", Mya blatantly has the weakest voice after Pink and Christina Aguilera, but she naturally slips into the burlesque role by playing up her sex kitten image. None of the three singles ("Ayo", "Lock U Down", "Ridin") released to promote Mya's 2007 album Liberation managed to recapture this carnal magic, and I indirectly consider this the reason the album was shelved in the US.

After severing her ties with Motown, Mya has signed to Manhattan Records and recently released Sugar & Spice in Japan. The new album finds Mya destroying Diana King's "Shy Guy", relying far too much on cheesy dance tracks and trying to bring her sexy back with the Ne-Yo penned "Paradise". It leaves me wondering what would have happened if Sisqo had never gone solo and made the "Thong Song", leaving him more time to produce sultry songs for Mya and less time to host Sisqo's Shakedown.


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miércoles, diciembre 10, 2008

kalenna: settle down.

"Hump-Hop Hooray" is the latest regular series here. Every Wednesday, I'll be bringing you a different hip-hop track, new or old, for your hump day consideration.

A supposedly anonymous voice in the intro to "Settle Down" asks several times "Who is she?", only to be followed up by a slightly angry response--"Kalenna!" It's said in a matter of fact "duh" way, as if you're stupid for not having figured it out by now. But when you think about it, it's a relatively accurate demonstration of Kalenna's celebrity status. Even if someone told you a song was by her, you'd still have no idea who they're talking about. While I'd love to say that Kalenna deserves national recognition as soon as tomorrow, the most I can say at this moment is that she possesses untapped potential that needs to be realized... hopefully, as soon as tomorrow.

"Settle Down" provides the clearest example of Kalenna's conceivable career. It's unique in the sense that it's entirely rapped, while the majority of her offerings fall into the category of mid-tempo R&B. As this is a mixtape track, it's possible she was just fucking around with her producer and having fun. Whatever the case is, the attitude portrayed on "Settle Down" is ten times more intriguing than the rest of her repertoire. While I wouldn't complain if Kalenna changed directions and went entirely hip-hop, I think she should at least consider lending her voice to an uptempo jam where she delivers rhymes (a la Mary J. Blige's rap alter-ego Brook Lynn).

Favorite moment: "I'm twenty-two, and I ain't got no stretch marks!"

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martes, diciembre 09, 2008

jill: wordy rappinghood.

Welcome to the first installment of WTF, "Weird Tuesday Find". In this series of posts, I'll be exploring the stranger songs that land in my lap. I'll take the good, I'll take the bad, but either way... I'll be sharing the weird with you. Bear with me, kids.

Jill Vidal
is the twin sister of Janice Vidal, a Hong Kong pop star famous enough to be immortalized in wax at Madame Tussauds Hong Kong. Jill has found a minor amount of success on her own, but she's ultimately the "other sister" (and not in the Juliette Lewis kind of way, silly). She's like the Ashley to Janice's Mary-Kate! But I digress.

Jill's latest album Jillympics came out on August 8th of this year, the same date as the opening ceremony of the Beijing Olympics 2008. The majority of the songs appear on her previous releases Hit Me and Diamond Love. When I first saw that the Tom Tom Club's "Wordy Rapppinghood" was on the tracklist, I got worried. How could she not ruin this song? Especially after what she did with Harold Faltermeyer's "Axel F"!

I am eating my words right now. Well, at the very least, I am eating those thoughts. While Jill's version of "Wordy Rappinghood" can't hold a torch to the original, I'm almost positive that if I had intentionally mislabeled this track as CSS, 90% of ITMS!! readers wouldn't notice that this isn't Lovefoxx on vocals. This tramples Chicks on Speed's cover of "Wordy Rappinghood" on so many levels. Surprisingly, I can't stop listening to this, and I'll even forgive the saxophones.

BONER TRACK: JILL - Axel F (alt)

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lunes, diciembre 08, 2008

death to the throne: yeah yeah yeahs remix.

The moment this remix of "Poor Song" by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs began with the words "Get money!", I knew I was going to love it. I like to imagine that this was the thought running through Karen O's brain as she signed her contract with Interscope and "Maps" crossed over to a mainstream audience.

You'd rarely hear me complaining that a song is too short, but Death to the Throne's electro rework of "Poor Song" clocks in at 2:33 and leaves me wanting more. It's easily the most successful of his remixes, taking the slow-paced original to an unexpected place on the dance floor. And I'm not saying that his other remixes are shit. Quite the opposite! His takes on Rye Rye, Chromeo, Birdman & Lil Wayne and M83 make it clear that he's a remixer to watch in 2009. Download the whole set over on the space.

Props to my adopted little blog-brother over at terf-work for putting me up on this!


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domingo, diciembre 07, 2008

erykah badu: unofficial "soldier" remix contest.

I've seen New Amerykah, Pt. 1 (4th World War) on quite a few "best of" lists for 2008, and while I'll say that it definitely deserves a spot on every one of those lists, I'm not about to fuck with making any "best of" lists. It is what it is!

But you know what isn't what it is, or at least what it should be? The acappella for "Soldier". I find it hard to believe that I have this acappella on my computer, yet I haven't seen a single remix of the song with more than the original track and some random rapper adding rhymes. This needs to change.

Now that the Little Pictures remix contest deadline has passed, I'll be holding an unofficial Erykah Badu remix contest because "Soldier" is too good to not receive the proper remix treatment. The prize ain't much more than glory and your own customized ITMS!! badoodle, but maybe there's a chance that Erykah will hear your remix. Badu spends half of her time in Brooklyn, so if I open my windows and play your remix loud enough... maybe she'll just happen to be passing by? Let's not act like stranger things haven't happened.

Deadline is January 5, 2009. Send submissions to  Anything goes. Bring it.


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sábado, diciembre 06, 2008

poptastic: hold me.

I should say that I extremely enjoy Poptastic as a concept. It sounds good on paper--a co-ed group channeling the '90s boy-band era sound and electronically mangling the resulting songs beyond recognition. Awesome. I like to indulge in the occasional shameful boy-band tune. And if I have a legitimate excuse to embrace this indulgence in a way that involving some artistic merit and a little less shame, then sign me up! That's the thing. I want to love Poptastic so much, but some of the songs are a little too mangled for my liking. With that said, I need to give Poptastic major props for their hilarious website, where you can download desktop wallpaper's of your favorite band member that resemble fan-made High School Musical livejournal icons.

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miércoles, diciembre 03, 2008

sgt. sass: drop the glass.

After releasing the Double S 4 Mayor mixtape over a year ago, Sgt. Sass are following it up with a new EP entitled Body Rock. "Drop The Glass" (produced by Steven Bloodbath) is the first song off the EP to reach the world's ears, and it's joined by "Demonstrate", a b-side sampling the guitar riff from Hole's "Celebrity Skin". Both tracks epitomize the party-laden theme of Body Rock, but don't think that every song on the EP will fit into the same sonic soundscape as these two. The title track has a little bit of an ol' skool vibe with crazy electronic elements stitched in, and the poppier sound of "Never Again" will have you doing some crazy elbow dances. Or at least it'll have me doing some crazy elbow dances.

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