death to the throne: yeah yeah yeahs remix.

dl: YEAH YEAH YEAHS - Poor Song/Porcelain (Death to the Throne remix) (alt)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

The moment this remix of "Poor Song" by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs began with the words "Get money!", I knew I was going to love it. I like to imagine that this was the thought running through Karen O's brain as she signed her contract with Interscope and "Maps" crossed over to a mainstream audience.

You'd rarely hear me complaining that a song is too short, but Death to the Throne's electro rework of "Poor Song" clocks in at 2:33 and leaves me wanting more. It's easily the most successful of his remixes, taking the slow-paced original to an unexpected place on the dance floor. And I'm not saying that his other remixes are shit. Quite the opposite! His takes on Rye Rye, Chromeo, Birdman & Lil Wayne and M83 make it clear that he's a remixer to watch in 2009. Download the whole set over on the space.

Props to my adopted little blog-brother over at terf-work for putting me up on this!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

BONER TRACK: BIRDMAN & LIL WAYNE f/ T-PAIN & RICK ROSS - Know What I'm Doin' (Death to the Throne remix) (alt)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

- SPACE IT -

fonzworth bentley: everybody.

dl: FONZWORTH BENTLEY f/ SA-RA, KANYE WEST, ANDRE 3000 - Everybody (video)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

I just looked up the new Fonzworth Bentley track that everyone's been blogging their asses off about, and the song has been leaked since nearly over two years ago. I don't know why I feel a need to point that out. I know it was just a shitty radio-rip, but how did everyone not go ape-shit about it back then? My feelings of this song lie somewhere between those of Mixtape Maestro and Idolator. I have a feeling that Fonzworth's album will only be as good as the guests who appear on it, though maybe he'll prove me wrong! ::shrug:: This track is a good start.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
BONER TRACK: FONZWORTH BENTLEY f/ PIMP C & LIL WAYNE - C.O.L.O.U.R.S. (YSI)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
- SPACE IT - HYPE IT - WIK IT -

lloyd: ross hogg remix.

dl: LLOYD f/ LIL WAYNE - Girls All Around The World (Ross Hogg Hard Drugs Remix) (YSI)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Much like Idolator and Vulture, I'm pushing for the Lil Wayne-assisted Lloyd jam "Girls All Around The World" to be a strong contender for song of the summer. Unless it's a late bloomer, chances that it'll be able to trump crap like this are slim, but I'd like to think that Ross Hogg's mix might provide the extra bit of fuel that it needs. This version's reggae-tinged vibe propels the track into a direction that's more friendly for your parents' annual summer BBQ. Just sandwich this between some Bob Marley and Jimmy Buffet, and we should easily get the middle-age crowd sipping margaritas to this jam. Even if it appears that Lloyd's fans on iTunes don't dig this track, I think the robot-vixens in his video are directly correlated with Rihanna in silver body-paint, no? This still has a chance to become the song of the summer. Really! Hey! It could happen.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
- SPACE IT - HYPE IT / BUY IT - SPACE IT - WIK IT - HYPE IT -

khia: lil wayne remix/cover thing.

dl: KHIA - Lollipop (Lil Wayne sort-of-cover) (YSI)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was walking around on a very sunny, beautiful day in a mysterious location in the south. I found myself hanging out with Trina again, because we're apparently such good friends now. Or are we? Apparently not, as we get into a pretty violent fight. I punch her in the stomach and say something like "I wish you were pregnant", and then I tell her that I can rap better than her. In an attempt to prove me wrong, she starts reciting verses from one of her new songs. For some reason, I can not rap back.

Flash forward. We are standing on an elevated platform next to a glistening fountain. The air is crisp, like a nice day at the beach. Trina is near tears, explaining to me all the pressure she's under and that it's not her fault that the label released two kind-of-lame songs as singles from Still Da Baddest. She asks to hear some of my new stuff, and I blush while telling her that it isn't really recorded yet. I say to her, "I just haven't been on my writing game to the degree that I was on 'House Party'. I mean, working a 9-5...there isn't much time to focus on silly rap music." She turns her head away sadly in a dramatic effect not too dissimilar to that of a telenovela. I try to explain to her that I'm not judging her for her lifestyle or career choice, but it's just how I feel.

Flash forward again. Trina and I are walking hand-in-hand through a lush field with colorful flowers. I look over to her and smile--"Even though you're a bitch, I still kind of like you." She smiles back and says, "I like you too." Throughout our time together, Trina evolves from a straight-up hoodrat looking chick to a dignified lady with the glow of a Disney princess.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is the dream I had last night, coincidentally the day after I downloaded Khia 's version of Lil Wayne's "Lollipop". Now I wouldn't call myself religious, but this almost seems as if this dream was an intervention from a higher power that's going to seriously fuck around with the Queen Of The South Chronicles. After hearing this song, her latest single "Be Yo Lady", and her appearance on VH1's Miss Rap Supreme, I am officially revoking Khia's "queen of the south" crown.

Some of you may be wondering why the fuck she had the crown in the first place. You can read about that in my original post about the subject. Now back to talking about "Lollipop".

Reasons why this version is terrible:

1. Khia's obsession with Lil Wayne is absurd. He obviously does not want her neck or her back, and especially not her crusty-ass pussy or crack. I mean, I don't mind Khia talking about her crusty pussy, but I don't like the mental image of Lil Wayne's mug all UP in her muff. The only thing I want to think about that mouth doing is spitting out great verses (and occasionally terrible verses). The only way he'd ever sleep with Khia is if he was under the influence of more than merely the syrup he's addicted to. I hate myself for saying this, but in the spirit of the recently released Sex And The City movie, I want to tell Khia..."He's just not that into you."
2. Khia once stated that she came up without the help of men. So now she's trying to capitalize off of the success of a man? Lame, Khia. Lame.
3. "Lollipop" is already a terrible song.
4. Despite mostly mediocre verses, Khia's past involved rapping. Recently it just seems like she's become this clownish cartoon version of herself, doing these weird sing-songy vocals. If the sing-songy thing isn't working for Kimberly, it won't work for you, my dear Khia. Perhaps you ought to just take off your big red clown shoes altogether, eh?
   

Redeeming factors of this song:

1. I can't help but love that she stole her melody from Shirley Temple's "On The Good Ship Lollipop". I was exposed to this song in my childhood thanks to my late and totally great aunt, and while I can't help but think that she's rolling over in her grave uncomfortably as I write this post...Khia's usage of it is just kind of brilliant.
2. "Lollipop" is already a terrible song, so Khia really couldn't do much damage here.
   

Admittedly, Khia's version is growing on me. But that doesn't mean she's getting her crown back. Clearly my dream was a sign that I need to hand it over to Trina.

In my own world, I'd star in a show on VH1 where I'd give female hip-hop and R&B stars career makeovers. It'd be called something like Queer Ears For Da Bad Bitch, featuring Kelly Rowland, Michelle Williams, anyone who's ever crossed Beyonce's path, and of course Trina. In the first episode, Ms. Katrina Laverne Taylor and I would sit down and map out the details for her follow-up to Still Da Baddest. With our powers combined, we'd create a tracklist that'd be the hip-hop equivalent of The Vagina Monologues. It'd be like the Spice Girls "girl power" thing for a new generation, but we'd call it "pussy power". Women everywhere from Miami to Japan would proudly pump their hands in the air in a V-shape declaring how much they love their va-hey-heys. The album's sales would reach numbers that no one thought were still possible in this day and age. I can dream, right?

Khia wouldn't be invited to be on my show. She's a lost cause at this point.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
- BUY IT - SPACE IT - HYPE IT - WIK IT -

track by track: trilla.

I can haz gvng u hed n Ut00b?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Welcome to Track By Track, in which I quite obviously put in my two cents about albums, um...track by track.

PRELUDE: Rick Ross is not a good rapper. I felt a need to say that before I wrote this review. What he lacks in the lyrical department, he makes up for in the swagger department. In other words, he can make really stupid shit entertaining and (usually) listenable. This provides him with the ability to outsell more-talented artists such as Erykah Badu and not-as-talented-you-really-should-retire, high-profile artists such as Janet Jackson. I am unsure whether this is a natural talent, the product of hard work, or the result of hustling every day (as opposed to hustling every other day).

1. TRILLA INTRO: "Shoutout to Rick Ross, because I run this."-- Arguably, this is the most impressive song on the album. A list of shoutouts over a beat by J.U.S.T.I.C.E. League almost sounds like a real song. This is what I mean by swagger...though it could also be argued that this song only works because no one really cares what comes out of the mouth of Rick Ross. Kudos for shouting out himself.
2. ALL I HAVE IN THIS WORLD (featuring Mannie Fresh): "I'm talkin' Japanese denim, money stuffed in 'em."-- I usually find Mannie Fresh rather annoying. In fact, I still kind of do. His minimal involvement on the chorus of this song is appreciated. Rick Ross, as usual, says very few things that are important or original. Despite this, the song is still enjoyable.
3. THE BOSS (featuring T-Pain): "Always wear plastics 'cause shit happen"-- While it feels like this song hardly made a dent, this is currently the biggest Rick Ross single to date. It just goes to show that anything is possible with T-Pain. Anything.
   
4. SPEEDIN' (featuring R. Kelly): "Americal idol, I got fans like Fantasia. Read between the lines or your ass like Fantasia."-- This vastly superior first single didn't make as much of a splash for some reason. By vastly superior, I mean the production from The Runners > J.R. Rotem's production on "The Boss". I guess the public thought "Vocoders > R. Kelly"?
5. WE SHININ': "Gimme head on YouTube and then pop bottles."-- Bink!'s production on this song is more soul-tinged than the songs that lead up to this. It's okay, but nothing to write home about. Maybe it's just the annoying reference to Kanye that troubles me?
6. MONEY MAKE ME COME (featuring EbonyLove): "She don't call them purses, bitch call em bags. I don't know the names, I know they cost some stacks."-- I'd love to say something about how problematic it is that the one female guest on this album is reduced to a materialistic caricature and not even given her own verse, but is that argument even valid against someone who refers to women as "bitch"? We can't take Rick Ross too seriously. The mere title of this song makes me giggle a little, because I imagine EbonyLove female-ejaculating in her pants every time money touches her hand. I hope she uses debit or credit, because that'd make checking out at the supermarket terribly awkward...
7. INTERLUDE (DJ Khaled): "We are here forever."-- Wow, this was really unnecessary. I guess it gives you time to take a bathroom break?
   
8. THIS IS THE LIFE (featuring Trey Songz): "It's not that I'm arrogant, I'm just extravagant."-- For some reason, I imagine that quote serving as a good line in a drag queen number. Think about it. If you add a exclamation point to that and a thumping dance beat, we're on to something. On another note, Trey Songz kind of sounds like T-Pain or Akon's understudy on this.
9. THIS ME: "Six bitches numbers on the same napkin, now that's what I call a chain reaction."-- Damn, this song would probably better if Trey Songz were singing the hook...
10. HERE I AM (featuring Nelly & Avery Storm): "Your last man was a chump and you can tell him I said it."-- I can't even listen to this song. Nelly? On a kind-of love song? In my head, I am pretending that the label somehow snuck Nelly onto this song at the last minute, just so I can maintain the small bit of respect I have for Rick Ross. This isn't 2002!
11. MAYBACH MUSIC (featuring Jay-Z): Presumably, the post-interlude slump was in preparation for some awesomeness. Jay-Z and a Friends Of Distinction sample make said awesomeness happen. No matter what Jay says on this, we know it will be better than anything Ricky has said on the entire album, so we welcome him with very open arms.
12. BILLIONAIRE: My first reaction upon hearing this track is wondering whether my iTunes accidentally switched to some unreleased music by Cassie the butterfly. Somehow J.U.S.T.I.C.E. League channels Ryan Leslie for this beat, and turns out the best Rick Ross song without a featured guest on this album (though the "Intro" could give it a run for it's money).
13. LUXURY TAX (featuring Lil Wayne, Trick Daddy, & Young Jeezy): "And they say you ain't great until someone assasinate, and I feel like MLK."-- Don't be deceived. Rick Ross didn't spit that line. I'm sure a avid hip-hop fan could figure out who did by looking at the list of featured guests. His mere presence somehow makes this song great, and I'm not even one of his worshippers.
14. REPPIN' MY CITY (featuring Triple C & Brisco): "Tell the truth I ain't a lover, but I fuck her like I love her"-- Though it'd probably be dismissed as a cheap effort to repeat the success of "Hustlin", I nominate this as the next Rick Ross single. The chorus is slightly addictive, the energy is perfect for the impending warmth, and I imagine that white people would totally love this. Remixes will spring up everywhere from Hoboken to Raleigh to Tulsa, in which groups of amateur or pro rappers "rep" their respective cities. Hipsters will make electro remixes and mash it up with Crystal Castles (or something like that). If any of the people who represent Rick Ross are reading this, take note.
15. I'M ONLY HUMAN (featuring Rodney): "I'm only human. I'm a man, I make mistakes."-- There's something too sincere about this track. In fact, this sincerity is unwelcome after a four-song trek that included three of the album's best tracks. Is this really how you want to go out? That's on some soft shit like Snuggles the fabric softener bear.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

FINAL WORDS: Trilla isn't an album that you'd put on to walk your shih tzu down the street, but if your dog is considerably more bad-ass...Mr. Ross would supply a great faux-bad-ass soundtrack. This is music for pumping out of your car or dancing drunk, not reading philosophy and sipping on tea. If you keep this in mind, Trilla is a decent album. There are some inconsistencies here and there, but no one expects Rick Ross to turn out a classic album. Do they?

RECOMMENDATIONS: "Maybach Music", "Luxury Tax", "Reppin' My City"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
dl: OCDJ - pls stp th hstl (YSI)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
- BUY IT - SITE IT - SPACE IT - WIK IT - HYPE IT -

riskay: my candy (hood remix)

dl: RISKAY - My Candy (Hood remix) (YSI)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

On my brief Easter vacation, I happened to "flip the switch" to New York's Power 105.1. I was greeted by a delightful Big Poppa tune, but things started to get weird as The Notorious B.I.G. started to fade into blended into Riskay's "Smell Yo Dick". I got worried. What would they censor? What wouldn't they censor? And so the chorus came in-- "Why you coming home, five in the morn? Something's going on, I can smell that chick." Really? This song just went from rated X to PG-13. Can you say LAME? When it was about jealously sniffing your lover's penis, it meant so much more. You know?

But this post isn't dedicated to such a tragedy of censorship. In fact, hearing Riskay on the radio reminded me of my favorite track by her, "My Candy (Hood Remix)". This is not to be confused with the original "My Candy", which apparently lacks "hood" appeal and definitely lacks a hoopty-worthy bassline.*

Now seems like an appropriate time to call attention to "My Candy" as Lil Wayne's (seriously bad) single "Lollipop" makes its climb up the charts. Weezy may be the so-called "greatest rapper alive", but can lines like "Shawty say i look like a lollipop" compete with "My Kit-Kat needs a Hershey Kiss"? Not to mention that Riskay doesn't make any entirely unnecessary references to Hilary Clinton. I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'. Riskay doesn't need a fucking vocoder to convey her candy-related sexual metaphors. And I think I've said enough...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
BONER (killing) TRACK: RISKAY - Smell That Chick (YSI )
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
- SITE IT - SPACE IT - HYPE IT -

* In other words, these songs are basically the same.

britney spears: gimme more remixes.

BRITNEY SPEARS may have been cool to post about a few weeks ago. Hell, maybe she's even cooler to post about right now. I'm not really down with the kids these days.

All I know is...Despite the MTV VMAs "disaster", Ms. Spears has rocketed to the number one spot in the iTunes music store, only two days after her single was released. It is also the number one ringtone. This is no indication of whether or not America actually likes Britney these days, but they can't hide that they're loving her new single. The iTunes Music Store tells no lies.*

Lips don't lie either. Word on the street is that this song is the shit. A possible skeptic (who is close-to-my-heart) contacted me through his iPhone** with this urgent message: "'gimme more' is shockingly good" None of us actually had faith in her to recover from the phase of the Federline, but I think she's surprising us a bit. Sure, the track didn't debut all too high on the charts...but I bet we'll see a jump with this digital release. But this isn't the reason I'm making this post. I have nothing to say about "Gimme More" that hasn't already been said. Few people can deny that this is a terribly addictive, lovable pop song. God bless Danja and Keri Hilson.

Now bring on out the remixes:

• BenG STFC remix-- I have no idea who BenG is, why his website doesn't work, why googling him only tells me that he remixed Michael Jackson and Mariah Carey, or why this remix is SO DAMN GOOD. The STFC stands for "strictly for the club", and while this version is not exactly any better for the clubs than the original...it has a simplicity and charm that I cannot get enough of.
• GotdioN remix-- I got this mix a while back, and it had to grow on me. As usual, GotdioN comes through with a mix that is adrenaline-rushed and nearly apocalyptic. The song becomes sexy in the creepiest way possible. I imagine a sex-starved, monstrous Britney prowling through a club, clawing through uneligible bachelors until she finds her prey. For some reason, I gyrate in my bed while listening to this. Was that TMI?
• Dirty Pop remix-- Blender picked up on this one, and apparently they think that Lil Wayne decided to "add a couple quick verses". I find this hilarious because they fully acknowledge that half of his verses are exactly the same as those on Enrique Iglesias' "Push"...yet they still think that Max Methods managed to get Lil Wayne in the studio for this unofficial remix. But this isn't a rant against Blender, for they make a very good point-- "Basically, this new "Gimme More" sounds like a Timbaland remix with Lil Wayne on it. We're not complaining." I'm not complaining either.
  

dl: BRITNEY SPEARS - Gimme More (BenG STFC remix) (YSI)
dl: BRITNEY SPEARS - Gimme More (GotdioN remix) (YSI)
dl: BRITNEY SPEARS f/ LIL WAYNE - Gimme More (Dirty Pop remix) (YSI)

Britney: buy it - site it - space it - wik it - hype it -
GotdioN: space it - hype it -
Max Methods: space it

* At least...I don't think it does. What has it been telling you?
**Why is this post coming off as a commercial for Apple?