working towards an intellectual understanding of booty chatter.

jueves, julio 13, 2006

ashlee simpson: the other sister.

ASHLEE SIMPSON "got hot all of a sudden". This is what a (straight) female friend said to me earlier today while watching Project Runway's premiere.

"It must have been the nosejob"

That couldn't be more accurate, though it's not just something physical. She looks more confident now in photographs. One could argue that she feels better now that her nose isn't busted, but I think the confidence was always there. It was just hiding behind her ugly nose. Now her confidence is fully displayed, and she can hide all her insecurities in her hair extensions. It's that simple.

No disrespect. While some critics are quick to dismiss Ms. Simpson as either Jessica's Simpson's wannabe sister or a maker of the devil's music, I think that her album Autobiography actually had some incredible pop songs on it. Sure, they were mindless and made nearly no sense...but that's what makes good pop music. No one can claim that the early work of The Beatles was highly intellectual and engaging, but it was good pop music. Therefore, Ashlee Simpson is the new Beatles. Got it? Then, let's move on...

Possibly the best song she ever made was the unreleased song "Sorry", which could very well be a Courtney Love b-side. Hipsters will no doubt scoff at this statement, but listen to Hole's "Celebrity Skin" (MP3) and then listen to practically ANY song on Autobiography. Courtney ever had a good voice but she (actually) rocked, and Ashlee is essentially a second-rate Courtney with less edge...and less rehab. Get a few shots of whiskey in this bitch, and she could possibly write the best angry chick rock songs of this decade. If not that, while she's drunk you can stand in a circle clapping your hands and talking about how you'll be girlz for lyfe! And now you won't even have to say she's your cute friend with the bad nose!

DOWNLOAD: ASHLEE SIMPSON- Sorry (unreleased)
DOWNLOAD: ASHLEE SIMPSON- L.O.V.E. (Missy Elliott remix)

BUY Autobiography, but I Am Me is not worth buying. Sorry Ashlee. Even the Beatles had sub-par albums.

BLOGGER NOTE: I promise legitimate posts in the future that don't compromise the self-esteem of the neglected sister. I just started work, so I haven't had much time to find much new music.

BLOGWATCH: I guess i'm floating has a live WOXY set by one of my favorite bands, Oh No! Oh My! I hate to say it but I've been hoping for so long that someone big would leak the new Lady Sovereign single. I even e-mailed the link from my post to other blogs and they weren't having it! Thank you Fluxblog. Thank you.

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Anonymous Arch Noble said...

"Everybody’s already saying it, so I just don’t talk about it. I’m like, OK, whatever. It doesn’t bother me." Nope, those aren't her song lyrics, that's Ashlee's uncomfortable non-denial of a nosejob.

I agree that she appears more confident in photographs, edgy enough to model for Hot Topic even. Too bad that's not where she's convinced herself her talents are.

7/13/2006 5:54 p. m.  

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