track by track: still da baddest.

Shortly after entering the scene, this "hoe" was metaphorically "killed" by Trina.
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Welcome to Track By Track, in which I quite obviously put in my two cents about albums, um...track by track.

1. INTRO: "Ass? Nope. Not big enough."-- In this hugely unnecessary opening skit, we witness the construction and unveiling of the so-called "baddest bitch alive". Unfortunately for Trina, it only serves as a reminder of how processed her whole persona is.
2. STILL DA BADDEST: "Don't nann bitch want it."-- When Trina tells us that "the bitch is back", I can't help but wonder where she went in the first place. It's only been three years since she's been "gone", and even if Glamorest Life was a rather forgettable album...I'm pretty sure that her biggest hit, the Kelly Rowland-assisted "Here We Go", is still fresh on everyone's minds. With that said, my biggest problem with this song is the lack of "badness". She doesn't even mention her pussy once!
3. KILLING YOU HOES: "I got the best pussy out."-- Ah, I knew it'd be less than five minutes into the album before Trina started talking about her vagina, but I have to admit that I was a little worried for a second. This is the hardest and "baddest" track so far, but the instrumental is a little too laid back to back it up. It's more Snoop Dogg than Trina. Can I get a damn club banger?
4. SINGLE AGAIN: "Sex in a cockpit. No love, I was just another object."-- J-Roc's production on this track makes for one of the most full-sounding tracks on the album. While it turned out to be a commercial flop, I can understand why it was chosen as the first single for the album.
5. LOOK BACK AT ME (featuring Killer Mike): "Smell it like a flower, my pussy is a rose. Come a little closer, I wanna fuck your nose."-- These two lines come directly after a reference to golden showers. She successfully out-nasties her male guest Killer Mike, who relies far too much on name-dropping other rappers and celebrities. I don't know how he got away with saying, "Ass like Trina, face like Mya" on Trina's own song. Did Trina seriously not consider that a back-handed compliment?
6. I GOT A THANG FOR YOU (featuring Keyshia Cole): "Feel so right that this can't be wrong."-- The selection of "I Got A Thang For You" as the second single almost makes me physically sick. It's blatantly an attempt by her label to match the success of "Here We Go", but unfortunately it's one of the worst songs on the album. Trite lyrics, middle school crush vibe, and an absence of anything "baddest bitch"...I can't go for that! Making it even worst, Keyshia Cole's carbon-copy Mary J. Blige vocals are heavily underutilized, to the point that Cole sounds utterly subdued and bored.
7. I GOT A BOTTLE (featuring Missy Elliott): "So full, so far gone. Forgot where I parked and lost my iPhone."-- It goes without saying that I prefer when Trina has bottles rather than thangs, though I do appreciate the hilarious back-to-back placement of the two "I Got A..." songs. Even if it's just a mindless party song about getting drunk, this is hands-down the best and most memorable song on the album. Thank heavens for Missy Elliott.
8. I WISH I NEVER MET YOU (featuring Shonie): "So now it's to the left, to the left. And everything you own is on the porch, n---a step."-- This song was over for me as soon as she made a reference to Beyonce's "Irreplaceable". Also, who the hell is this Shonie character? They would have saved some money putting her on "I Got A Thang For You" instead of Keyshia Cole.
9. CLEAR IT OUT: "Media vs. celebrities, it's outrageous."-- This is like Trina's unneeded version of Britney Spears' "Piece of Me". I'm sorry if people are hating on you, Trina. Maybe instead of making a song about it, you should just start being a nicer person? Okay, I know that's a lame request. But if you're going to be the baddest bitch alive, you need to stop complaining that people don't like you. It's part of the job description to be hated, so get used to it!
10. STOP TRAFFIC (featuring Pitbull): "Green means go, yellow means slow, red means stop, now drop to the floor."-- With a title like "Stop Traffic", I expected this song to be the next "Pull Over". Unfortunately, this song is too slow to meet those expectations. And um, isn't this beat weirdly similar to "So Krispy"?
11. PHONE SEXX (featuring Qwote): "I know he was so amazed to hear me cum on the phone."-- Qwote really steals the show on this track, turning out some baby-making lines similar to J. Holiday's Bed or The Dream's "Falsetto". Someone must have had some serious sedatives in the studio because Trina sounds just as subdued as Keyshia did on "I Got A Thang For You". In some ways, this adds a soft, sexy edge to the track. I imagine that this song will give someone a boner. Someone.
12. HOT COMMODITY (featuring Rick Ross): "Up in this pussy feel better than the lottery."-- I find this chorus so hilarious because it neglects to mention that the lottery only feels good when you win it. I mean, of course being up in Trina's va-hey-hey is better than a losing lottery ticket. Even so, "Hot Commodity" is definitely a song to bump in your hoopty with the windows down.
    

FINAL WORDS: While you may think I'm being unnecessarily harsh on the Diamond Princess, but I assure you that it's only out of love. I don't care if she says that she put 150% into this album and stepped up ten notches. I want her to put in 250% and step up fifty notches. With a title like "Still Da Baddest", Trina gave herself the opportunity to show us just why she's the "baddest bitch alive" and just didn't take it.

My friend Petra once said, "That's how you know Michael [Jackson] isn't bad. If he was, he would just say it once and then kick the next person who asked." Same goes for Trina. If she were actually bad, she'd make a concept album about her pussy. But right now, I'm not convinced yet.

RECOMMENDATIONS: "Look Back At Me", "I Got A Bottle", "Hot Commodity"

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dl: TRINA - Killing You Hoes (Twice As Nice remix) (YSI)
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